The Worst Analogies Ever Written in a High School Essay
这个东西似乎没人翻译过。正好睡不着，正好翻译一下。肯定有错的和不合适的地方，但偶的水平就到这儿了。
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
他们住在典型的城市近郊，有着像Nancy Kerrigan的牙一般的栅栏墙。[注1]
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
他讲话带着那种只可能来自经验的智慧，就像一个小子由于没有使用小孔盒子观看日食而致盲，然后现在周游全国，在中学里边演讲不用小孔盒子看日食是多危险的一件事情。[注2]
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
她吸引了你的注意，就像晃动的门闩，当你撞开门时它会一下跳起来。
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
小船轻轻地漂过池塘，就像保龄球不会轻轻地漂过池塘。
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
McBride从12楼掉下来，像一塑料袋蔬菜汤一样砸在路上。
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
阁楼传来一声诡异的嚎叫。整个周围显得那样不安和怪诞，就像你在另外一个城市度假，而电视台在下午7点开始播放"Jeopardy"，而不是7点半。[注3]
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
她的头发在雨中闪光，就像打过喷嚏后的鼻毛。
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
她的眼睛像两个棕色圆圈中间有两个大黑点。
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.comaaakk/ch@ung but gets T:flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.
Bob像一个想访问T:flw.quid55328.comaaakk/ch@ung但却找到了T:flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung的黑客一样困惑。[注4]
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
他像一棵六尺三寸的树那么高。
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
冰雹在路面上蹦跳着，就像热油里边炸着的蛆虫。
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.”
? 她的约会挺愉快的，但她知道如果她的生活是一部电影，这个男生只会以"第二个高个子"这样的名字被埋在片尾字幕里。
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
被残酷的命运分离了很久，这对不幸的爱人在草坪上奔向对方，就像两列货车，一列下午6:36从Cleveland出发，时速55英里，另一列下午4:19从Topeka出发，时速35英里。
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
那个政客离开了，但谁都没注意到他，就像Dr Pepper饮料筒上面Dr.后面的那个点。[注5]
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
John和Mary从没见过面，他们就像两只从来没见过面的蜂鸟。
The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
雷声很骇人，就像舞台剧演雷雨时后台有人摇晃薄钢板的声音。[注6]
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
他的思想在脑中翻转搅动，就像一堆内裤在没有防粘功能的甩干机中。
注1：
Nancy Kerrigan是著名的滑冰运动员，网上可以找到她的牙。就是挺大挺密集挺整齐的。
注2：
小孔盒子我也没用过，九几年那次看日食用后眼睛痛了好久，还好没盲。这里应该是小孔成像的盒子吧，不是很清楚。
注3：
Jeopardy是一个谜题电视节目的名字。
注4：
Bob的目标是访问一个网络目录，但实际访问到的是本地目录，而且目录名相同。就像我要偷你的东西，结果发现你把东西藏在我风衣口袋里了。
注5：
Dr Pepper是饮料商标。本来这里Dr没有点，但谁会在意呢。
注6：
舞台剧的雷声效果就是这样做出来的——如果你以前不知道的话